the sequel

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Thank god I was able to stop that boulder before it could fuck up someone's vehicle.



120 seconds of terror

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For two minutes yesterday, I thought my wallet had fallen out my pocket somewhere on a five mile trail I'd walked. This would have been my third credit card replacement in three months. There was about $600 in cash inside. Were these my primary concerns? No. No, they were not.

"Tell me I don't have to walk another 10 bloody miles!" I railed at the heavens.

bring it

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This week, I dropped a client of seven years. That I spent my entire weekend mitigating their incompetence is not a coincidence. Why, I sent my contract-termination email during that very weekend.

Example exchange from the increasingly panicked phone calls:

"Despite all that effort," I grumbled, "We can't fix something fundamentally incompetent."

"I don't agree that it's incompetent."

"You don't need to. I don't want my company exposed to that sort of liability."

"What if we pay you more money?"

"No. That would just be more liability."

And thus my vilification has begun. They haven't actually used the word "particular," but I can feel it coming.

now that's mentoring

Text exchange with my redheaded former student Darcy:

Me: "I was driving through campus and saw a dorky redheaded student carrying a huge stack of books and wearing a poseur turtleneck and beret and nerd glasses. It made me all nostalgic. I tried to hit her with my door, but she was too fast."

Darcy: "And I thought of you yesterday when I thought I'd stepped in something but it turned out to be nothing."

now that's expertise

From ESPN:

"Spinal stabilization surgery is done with the intent to stabilize the spine when there is some evidence of instability there, according to ESPN injury analyst, Stephania Bell."

who would jesus refuse to bake a cake for?

Yesterday I endured a Christian railing about the wedding cake case. In it, a baker is suing the Colorado Civil Rights Commission for violating his First Amendment right to free speech. How? By compelling him to speak in favor of gay marriage. Huh? How? He got in trouble for refusing to bake a gay wedding cake. What makes a cake gay, I am not sure, although that gluten-free bullshit comes to mind.

"I'm worried about the precedent," clucked this person about protecting the right to discriminate, with zero sense of irony or self-awareness. "If you can't practice your religion at work, where else won't you be able to you practice it?"

Jesus H. Christ. Choice of expletives deliberate.

I resisted the temptation to ask where gay wedding cakes are mentioned in the Bible. I missed the parable where Jesus refused to bake one.

It amazes me that not everyone thinks that this brand of "spirtuality" is an obvious fabrication, the moron's answer to the question, "How can I rationalize my abundant hate?" Or, more topically, "How can I reframe society's refusal to allow me to discriminate as my own persecution?"

I got out of the conversation before she could rail about gays "shoving their lifestyle in our faces." Irony and self-awareness are not these folks' strong suits.

morning sights in cooterville

My hotel neighbor is getting the Christmas spirit.


A quick stop at the store.


Thank goodness that fascist Obama is out of the White House and we're allowed to wish the deserving a Merry Christmas again.


wither kansas

I have a trip to Seattle coming up, and for the first time since arriving in Cooterville, I need to board Fredo. He's a basket case without me, so I'm fairly selective. No other dogs, please. Work from home, please. High tolerance for screaming like he's being stabbed, please.

Those were pretty much my filter criteria.

I booked a middle-aged guy named John who works from home and who, in the right light, doesn't look like a tweaker. An honorable mention went to the college student who professed to love dogs and own them her whole life and she really loves dogs and she has a tattoo of her first dog on her thigh. Photo not included.


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My extended stay hotel is not filled, as I expected, with traveling executives. They're here, but they're a minority. No, the clientèle here is overwhelmingly people who left their marriage five minutes ago. In retrospect this makes sense, but I did not see it coming.

If I had, I surely wouldn't have spent Thanksgiving listening to weeping through the wall. I mulled over my human obligations. Invite her to come next door and drink protein shakes and watch football with me? I decided that might push her over the edge completely and instead put on sob-canceling headphones.

i swear that i'll leave the hotel today

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Business is booming, after a lull. A long lull. During my first full day of work in weeks, I was mentally drained and emotionally bankrupt after five hours. My brain's gotten flabby. Flabbier.