I occasionally do a working vacation in some other city. Get a hotel room in the cool district, work as little as possible and shop by day, drink by night, sleep, repeat. Normally I kennel the dogs, which is no small expense at about $300. This time, I decided to take them. "And what luck! There's a dog friendly hotel right across the street from my normal one!"
When we checked in, the clerk charged me a $25 fee per dog. Running total: $50
"Where are the dogs supposed go?" I asked the clerk.
"Um. With you?" she replied.
I smiled and somehow refrained from bitch-slapping her. "No, I mean where are they supposed to urinate and defacate?"
She shrugged. "We don't have a spot. I don't know where people take them."
The only patch of grass within a mile's walk is an 8x4 square at my normal hotel. Of course.
Fredo apparently drank his body weight in water whilst I showered, because when I came out there were three enormous, watery orange puddles of puke on the carpet. How do I know it was Fredo, beyond the fact that it's always Fredo? His matching orange necktie and earrings were a clue.
Thus did we go to the local dog wash. Running total: $75
When I tried to work, i found that the dog-friendly hotel's wifi is John-hostile. So I paid for my normal hotel's wifi. Running total: $115
We went for a walk on a trail, and a mere six hours after their puke bath, the dogs found a dead turkey and marinaded themselves in its entrails. Back to the dog wash, followed by the car wash. Running total: $155
Throw in all the gasoline and the aspirin I had to buy a gimpy Dex, and we're at an even $170. I saved $130. And had a shit time. Dog jail is now the law.