Over the course of my interminable career, I've worked with a lot of useless asshats, none more often than myself. But excluding me, a pattern emerged. I detest working with Israelis and Indians. Today I address the former.
"Is it anti-semetic if everyone I hate working with is Jewish?" I once asked my Jewish boss, Flo.
"Nah, I hate them t—HEY!"
The cultural chasm was deep. I was not accustomed to having the veracity of every single thing I said questioned. I was not accustomed to pushback on every little thing or to bizarre charges of "blatently" doing my job. The Israeli default setting was hostility. We all had problems with them. Soon, we found ourselves in a class about working with Israelis.
"Can I assume that the Israelis are in a class about working with Americans?" I asked, to silence.
A co-worker, a duel passport American/Israeli citizen, later offered better advice than two hours of classtime produced. "The Israeli national motto," she said, "Is Don't be a sucker." Click. That made sense instantly.
• • •
Another thing I hate about working with Israelis is that 361 days per year are a religious or civic holiday.
"I'll ask Pesach," I'll say.
"Okay, but don't expect a response," Flo responds. "This week is Yur Fiddisch."
I groan. "Another bloody holiday already?"
"It's more of a week of grieving, self-loathing, and light depravation."
"Jesus Christ."
"Not really."