I snuck away from work last week midday, to see Iron Man 3 at the local theatre. The audience was the usual daytime smattering of the self-employed, the unemployable, and escaped convicts. All male. I was just starting to wonder which asshole would ruin the movie first when long-haired-punk asshole, resplendent in arm and neck tattoos, stood up, turned around, and addressed the rest of us.
"Turn. Your phones. Off," he ordered, dripping menace.
And then a miracle happened. An audience let me enjoy a movie. They actually behaved themselves. Under implicit threat, but it counts.
I want to put this guy on my payroll. I want him representing me at every social situation.
To waiters: "Write it. The fuck. Down."The possibilities....To staff: "Google. It. Yourself."
To parents: "Parent. Is. A verb."