Dear Mark Burnett Wannabes & Mr. Burnett,
Here's your medicine.
Stop Casting Hot to the Exclusion of Interesting
Is it that hard to find an attractive 20 year old girl who doesn't deplete my will to live every time she speaks?
Stop Casting "Aspiring" Anythings
Know what the most boring contestants all have in common? They're 1) hot 20 year old girls and/or 2) they're aspiring model-actors seeking exposure. Know who it's fun to watch play a game? People who enjoy playing a game. Watching people pad their demo reel? Not so fun.
Enough with the Jesusing
Similarly, how about not casting, or at least cutting around, people seeking to promote their agenda/religion/world view? Oddly enough, I'm bored enough with that without your show's help.
"Inspirational" Casting
What are you going for, exactly? "Ahhh, look, honey! The midget thinks she's people!" Crass. Crude. Faux empathetic.
Non-elimination Episodes
I'm sure the contestants who lost today's competition are simply thrilled to be saved by this "Surprise! It didn't count!" contrivance. Then there are those of us who just lost an hour of our lives to watching aspiring actors play a game with no result. Remember how viewers rebelled after Bobby Ewing stepped out of the shower and it was all a dream? Same thing.
Chop, Chop, Splice, Splice
Stop. Faking. Events. The excruciatingly obvious discontinuities between events and contestants' reactions only make me wish I were watching scripted fiction.
Stop Manipulating Results
I am one of thirteen people to watch Expedition Impossible last summer—the viewer who wasn't in prison or an ICU. This low-budget version of the Amazing Race revealed exactly why reality shows typically suck. There were delightfully few challenges designed to smite the gifted and even the playing field for the morons. There were no built-in queues where the laggards could catch up. There was no U-Turn specifically designed to punish the most accomplished team. Not surprisingly, the best team won, in a walk. And it was absolutely lovely. I watched through the end. I haven't watched through the end of TAR in years. Why? Because it's so manipulated that it's misdemeanor fraud.
XXXOOO,
John