Movie trailers used to often be my favorite part of going to the movies. No more.
Dear Hack Who Endlessly Clones Trailers,
Stop fucking fading to black every two seconds. What you think artfully fakes dramatic heft,
fade to black, Inception-inspired chord blasts the audience, fade back in
I think looks amazingly like the projector is hooked up to a Honda portable generator that's sputtering because it's running out of gas.
fade to black, Inception-inspired chord blasts the audience, fade back in
If Honda generators were hackneyed and trite.
fade to black, Nine Inch Nails-inspired chord blasts the audience, fade back in
This cliche is played out. Stop it. I beg you.
fade to black, silence, cat suddenly appears, shrieking loudly to startle the audience, end
Stop spoiling
I know you think giving away the plot points of the movie will compel me to pay $11 to see the plot points again in long form. You are incorrect. I am mortal, and I will not waste the precious remaining hours of my life watching the filler you deemed too uninteresting for the trailer. Exception: if Megan Fox is naked, go ahead and put it in the trailer. We'll still pay the $11.
Spliced reactions
For the love of God, stop splicing together unrelated moments as if they're contiguous. Showing a character make a lame joke outdoors at noon and then cutting to another character laughing uproariously at night in his kitchen does not make the joke funny. It makes the trailer smack of desperation. Are you attracted to desperate people? Neither are we.
Much loathe,
John