I was delighted with how the Amazing Race shaped up this season, with my five favorite (read: least annoying) teams making it to the top five. And when it became clear that black teams would finish 1st and 2nd—in no small part because of a bungling black cabdriver chosen by the 3rd-place white team—”I found myself wishing d'Andre were here so that I could point out the conspiracy.
"Look at that! Just another brother keepin' the white man down!" I sneered to him in my head. "What's a white man gotta do to catch a break in this country?"
Alas, no one enjoyed my witticisms but me.
I awoke this morning to an email from d'Andre's wife, Pam. The subject line: "worst idea ever." Apparently d'Andre had heard me psychically.
"Egger and I should do the Amazing Race," he'd commented.
"Yeah, if you're going for the title of Most Annoying Team of All Time," she replied.
She raises a fair point. He and I are endlessly bickersome, an interracial Statler and Waldorf. That sort of thing doesn't wear well.
Undeterred, d'Andre spent the rest of the evening coming up with what our team subtitle would be.
D'ANDRE AND JOHN
Most Annoying Team of All TimeD'ANDRE AND JOHN
Race BaitersD'ANDRE AND JOHN
Fat FucksD'ANDRE AND JOHN
Doing This Instead of TimeD'ANDRE AND JOHN
Worst FriendsD'ANDRE AND JOHN
Brother & SisterD'ANDRE AND JOHN
Bum and Bummer
His favorite:
D'ANDRE AND JOHN
Amazing Racists
And mine:
D'ANDRE AND JOHN
Definitely Not Gay