unplumbed depths

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Yesterday, I got my first colonoscopy.

I'm back, people.

The cleansing portion was everything I'd heard about and more, but I shan't repulse you in that manner. But when I was looking for a game to play on my tablet, I went straight for Monopoly.

Olga the 300 pound—all muscle—Russian nurse checked me in, angrily.

"And vat eez Allie's number?"

"Um. I don't have it memorized, and you guys told me not to bring my phone." She angrily sighed and wrote something on a form.

"And vat eez Sid's number?"

"Same answer."

Clearly enraged that I had learned nothing since my last answer, she rolled her eyes and muttered something in Russian. I'm sure it was flattering.

Across the aisle was Robert, a guy who checked in two minutes after me. We'd talked in the waiting room. Checking him in was a gorgeous student-nurse. Apple-cheeked, brown ponytail, and a nose you just want to bite. I fumed as they hung out, laughing. At one point she touched his arm. I glared at Olga. She glared back.

I spent the next 30 minutes alone, watching the cutie and Bob show. It was the only thing on.

Soon Olga escorted the student-nurse into my room. "Hi! I'm Brandi!" she said. "I'm going to be observing your procedure."