we begin bombing in five minutes

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Anyone who's spent five minutes on reddit considers a dash-cam a necessity on the order of food and water. The world is seemingly filled with brawling Russian drunks, and that must be immortalized.

My new dash-cam has an audio-recording feature. I left it turned on, figuring that it might be useful someday for a court to hear me honking my horn or a cop being a douche. I was driving for about five minutes before I realized that turning off audio recording was imperative. My language is incendiary. I am not a sympathetic subject. I could go to court to fight a parking ticket and end up on death row.

Plus I sing the wrong lyrics a lot, and who needs to hear that?