it's like i'm a freshly washed convertible and he's a big bird with radar

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In technology, an “attack surface” is an avenue for someone nefarious to attack your computer. We strive to reduce the total number of attack surfaces. That’s what all those security patches are.

For me, this thinking has bled into real life. I approach professional and social situations in terms of reducing attack surfaces—limiting the number of ways people can hurt my interests. On the heels of the colossal fuck-up that is my Pittsburgh misadventure, I have zero appetite for more risk. My gestating plan is extraordinarily conservative and is littered with escape hatches.

I described my newfound risk-aversion to Andy and referred to it as “reducing my attack surfaces.” He was confused.

“Attacks from whom?”

“Attacks from God, I suppose.”

“But you don't believe in God.”

“I do for the bad stuff. Hey, did you see my 2016?!”