Who would you kill?
White Guy Complaining about His Maid. This is me. She annoys me. A lot. She changes the direction of my toilet paper. She hides my bathroom trash can. She vacuums the couch without moving the throw pillows. And if she ever correctly seats the rotating glass thing in the microwave so that doesn't go clunk-clunk-clunk the next time I'm heating a Hot Pocket, I will drop dead on the kitchen floor. I make these complaints, despite the fact I know I look like a spoiled ass. I therefore humbly submit myself as a candidate for justifiable homicide.
White Guy with the Superfluously Black Co-Worker. This white guy tells a story about his company's Christmas party. In quoting what his co-worker Dave said, he cannot help but mention Dave's race, even though it has nothing whatsoever to do with the anecdote. Example: "So we're all exchanging Secret Santa gifts, and my friend Dave, who's black, groans that he got someone impossible to buy for."
Winner: I suppose I should recuse myself, but screw the racist dude. He can take the bullet.