The problem with listing items on craigslist is, of course, that it involves other people in my life. No, esteemed sir, I do not wish to trade my refrigerator for your almost-functioning used chainsaw. Thanks for inquiring. And for debating me about it.
I listed my perfectly functional stainless fridge for $250, a tenth of its value new. Naturally I was inundated with misspelled inquiries about whether I was firm in that ridiculous price. "Can I ask how you arrived at that price?" asked a guy reading from Negotiating for Dummies.
"Sure," I replied. "I wanted it to move with a minimum of fuss, so I priced it an order of magnitude under its price if new."
"Huh?" he countered.
I finally sold it to a guy for $200. He watched passively as I cleared all my goods out of the fridge and freezer, then asked me for my help in loading the appliance into his trailer. As I watched my fridge teeter down my driveway, I breathed a sigh of relief that this latest craigslist experience was breathing its last.
My phone rang that night. He plugged in the fridge...and it was no longer cooling. I told him that it was probably in some half-thawed state that plugged the air circulation and that he should let it sit overnight. He muttered that he supposed that might be it....
He spoke with a lot of ellipses...
While the conversation went nowhere...
Eventually I realized...
That I was supposed to fill them...
With a unilateral offer of a refund....
When it became clear that I wasn't picking up on his social cues, he grew bold. "I'm hoping you'll work with me, here."
"I thought I was. The fridge works. You saw it. Let it sit overnight."
"I mean on a refund."
"On a refrigerator that worked fine when you unplugged it at my house? Not happening."
"Clearly, it has a problem," he growled accusingly.
I slumped, my phone at my hip. Good fucking christ, I hate people. I gathered myself.
"I'll tell ya what. Just so you know it's not about the money, I'm going to give you a full refund. No, fuck that. I'm going to give you three hundred dollars. You just turned a profit. And do you know what I'm buying for my money? This. You have to listen to me say that you're one entitled piece of shit. You bought a refrigerator on craigslist. You saw it work. You possibly broke it. And now you ask a complete stranger to pay for your misfortune. That's the definition of an entitled piece of shit. Do you maybe have some alimony or casino losses you'd like me to cover, too, motherfucker?"
He hung up on my ear. And I don't even know where to send his check.