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April 8, 2011
morons forever
Continued from here
Class 8
(Brandom fandom)
This person's every last thought is bought and paid for. He emotionally invests in brands as though they were sports teams. He has no identity outside of these brands—be they candidates, products, fads or religions—so he is constantly presenting them as his face.
Example: Guy X has got his iPhone charging in his Prius (adorned with a "Yes We Can!" bumper sticker) while he drives to the soccer match after his organic sommelier class. If he deigned to go to Wal-Mart, he would see his arch enemy. Gal Y is carrying a placard protesting the war. Her holiday is under attack! Cashiers must wish Jews, atheists, etc. a Merry Christmas. She drives American, swears there's a gargantuan difference between Coke and Pepsi, buys more perishable items at Costco than she can possibly eat (in order to save money), and calls the First Lady "fat" yet thinks anyone who criticizes Sarah Palin is sexist.
Question either X or Y, and they will attack you by labeling you the other.
Summary: X = Y
Class 9
(Itso facto)
This class believes that facts fulfill wishes. By simply stating and restating that x is a fact, they truly believe this makes x any more of a fact. Anytime you hear someone declare "It's a FACT," you are very likely dealing with a Class 9 moron. People citing actual facts don't need to label them such any more than I need to explain that Dex is a dog.
Whereas Class 9s are quick to brand any fanciful bullshit a fact, they are curiously quick to deride scientific theories as being less than hypotheses supported by such a strong body of evidence, they've become accepted.
Examples: "It's a FACT that Bush bombed the trade center so he could invade Iraq." "It's a known FACT that Satan put dinosaur bones in the ground just to test our belief in the Creation story. And evolution? It's just a theory."
posted by john at 8:13 AM • permalink