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April 7, 2011
morons, part 4
Continued from here
Class 6 Moron
(Highschooldropoutim vociferor)
By far the most attractive moron, Class 6 could not pass a sophomore civics test yet tells the public how to vote. They didn't stay in school long enough to take physics—a modeling career beckoned—yet they are quoted experts on climate change and alternative energies. Notably, they were not born impaired. They stopped developing intellectually at puberty, at which point they began confusing being constantly told how smart, well-read and witty they are with actually being smart, well-read and witty.
Example: George Clooney's humble and gracious acceptance speech—"I would say that, you know, we are a little bit out of touch in Hollywood every once in a while, I think, it’s probably a good thing. Um, we’re the ones who talk about AIDS when it was just being whispered. And we talked about civil rights when it wasn’t really popular. And we, uh, you know, we bring up subjects…we are the ones…this Academy, this group of people gave Hattie McDaniel an Oscar in 1939 when blacks were still sitting in the backs of theaters. I’m proud to be a part of this Academy. I’m proud to be part of this community. I’m proud to be out of touch. And I thank you so much.â€
Class 7 Moron
(Evidencia circumvenio)
One phrase defines this class: "you just don't understand."
Example: A gay man and black man are discussing their experiences as minorities. Being good Americans, the gay man claims greater victim status, and the black man disagrees. "Push comes to shove," the black man points out, "You can choose to blend in and disappear. I can't pretend not to be black whenever it conveniences me." An irrefutable difference to which the gay man responds with a mock-pitying sigh: "You're not gay. You just couldn't understand." He considers the point won, in a rout. As do I. By the other guy.
Earthers: [Greeting Juan Sebastián Elcano at the dock] "I know you think you just circumnavigated the Earth, what with your sailing West yet arriving from the East, but you just don't understand. You couldn't possibly."
posted by john at 8:26 AM • permalink