heavy lies the cr0wn

Dorkass and I have been playing the video game Left 4 Dead in recent months. It's a first-person shooter where you team up to traverse a city full of zombies. One of the major achievements you can attain is called "Cr0wned." It consists of killing a witch with one shot, which believe me, ain't easy. You basically have to walk right up to her and shoot her in the face when she's standing to eviscerate you. On your first thousand attempts, the witch, not you, succeeds.

Dorkass was trying for the achievement first, which meant that I suddenly had to try to get it before she did. After many maulings, I did. I gleefully reported it. A prideful Dorkass redoubled her efforts, to no end, unless you count serial disembowelments.

Finally, sheepishly, she handed me her controller and asked me to get the achievement for her. I said I would try. Within minutes, I found a witch. Blam. Dead. ker-BLINK! went the achievement notification.

"Oh. My. GOD!" Dorkass moaned.

"What, did he get it right away?" laughed Frank Frank from the kitchen. He found it particularly amusing because, he says, Dorkass had been holding forth about how much of a better player she is than me.

There's no vindication as sweet as oblivious vindication. No vindication I know.