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November 20, 2008
up, up and away!
Fair warning: this post is not for prudes.
A semi-friend who I'll call, oh hell, let's say Jane, is the only person I know to use the word "cock" casually. When I use it, it's to degrade, and it's invariably prepended to another word. Not so with Jane. Any time she has a new boyfriend, he has "the most perfect cock." Every single time. To drive this point home, she'll show us a picture of it on her cell phone.
"Honestly, it looks like every other one I've ever seen," I'll say. "Except for the herpes sores, it looks pretty much like my own. I couldn't tell them apart."
"BULLSHIT!" Jane yells. "You're just jealous!"
Mind you, I'm not arguing that Jane is a well person.
The latest Staph [sic] of Perfection, attached to a 33 year old, is said to stay aloft for three hours or more, every single time. He can ejaculate multiple times without it losing any of its blood-gorged glory. Every single time.
"Nah, that didn't come from a pill," I said.
"HE'S BEEN ABLE TO DO THAT HIS ENTIRE LIFE!" Jane yelled.
"And you know this how?"
"HE TOLD ME! OH SHUT UP. YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS."
"Yeah. Kinda like I'm jealous of how much work Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are able to knock out in one evening."
But I put it to you, fair readers. Is this superpower plausible?
posted by john at 6:00 AM • permalink