Whenever I get an eye exam, I invariably think of Robert Wagner. When I was a kid, you see, I watched an episode of "Hart to Hart" that scarred me forever. That week's murder mystery centered around someone getting an eye exam. The lens calibration machine—"Better? Or worse?" One? Or two?"—was outfitted with spikes that shot into the patient's eyeballs. The patient slumped, his face permanently mounted to the machine and blood trickling through the lens holes.
Some shit can't be unseen.
Was the killer brought to justice? Did the episode end with Robert Wagner grappling with the killer while Stephanie Powers looked on, her hands shaking stupidly on either side of her face while she screamed "Jonathan!" and, betraying that she had never done anything athletic in her life, awkwardly kicked a stray gun away from the fight? Did you never see an episode of this show?