I was excited when I heard that the Long Way Round formula was being taken to Africa. Two friends, two motorcycles, 18,000 miles. Surely, after Africa, no part of the world could compare. And I maintain that'd be true if the filmmakers hadn't sabotaged Long Way Down with bizarre, self-indulgent choices. I was quite disappointed.
I don't want to see the directors. I don't care about their story, their homesickness, their trucks, their visas. I don't care about Ewan McGregor's glory-hounding wife, and every moment I was watching her learn to ride a motorcycle (or play in the surf in the McGregor Family Vacation Video I unwittingly purchased), I was excruciatingly aware that this was less time I was seeing Africa. I did, however, very much enjoy the montage of her wiping out. I'd buy a DVD of just that.
Every bit as bad was the pacing of the trip, although at least McGregor exhibited some self-awareness in this regard. In order to make deadlines, they seldom left the freeways in Libya and Egypt, and the footage they shot bears a striking resemblance to any Football Weekend road footage I've ever shot: road, road, road. They met no people, tasted no food, heard no music, and could have just as easily been, for our viewing purposes, in Yuma. Watching people ride motorcycles in a straight line for 3000 miles is not all that compelling, it turns out. They went to these countries yet managed to miss them altogether.
The middle three episodes are blissfully wifeless and slow down to point where the boys get off their motorcycles and interact with the locals. These episodes are worthy. Ethiopia was stunning, lush, gorgeous. And Rwanda and Botswana were eye-popping, I-have-to-go-there revelations.
The two highlights for me: the boys stopped at the equator, where there was an obligatory sign. They cut a hole in the bottom of a bowl of water and floated a toothpick in the bowl. 20 yards north of the sign, the toothpick spun counter-clockwise. 20 yards south, clockwise. I had no idea this effect was that precise.
Meanwhile, in Tunisia, they stopped by a set from the original Star Wars—the exterior of Luke's home. The place was crawling with fans, not one of whom noticed McGregor posing next to a poster of himself. In a miniseries about wasted opportunity and not experiencing where you are, this was apt indeed.
Long Way Down will air in the U.S. in July, 2008.