nicknames I have known

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Name: "Johnny"
Bestowed by: Mom
It's certainly a lame nickname. But for Mom's strenuous attempts to popularize it, it wouldn't be worth mentioning. It didn't take. I hated it. Everyone else hated it. Had her campaign occurred several decades later, she would have been told "Stop trying to make 'Johnny' happen."

Name: "Yellow Card"
Bestowed by: Soccer coach

No one kept stats, but I'd guess that 90% of the minutes I played, I played with a yellow card on me. So infamous was my goonery that one time, the ref yellow-carded me during pregame introductions. True story.

Name: "Bleak"
Bestowed by: Co-workers

For one tortuously long, humid summer, I worked on a construction crew, building condos. The name was apt.

Name: "Egger"
Bestowed by: Neighborhood guys

I'm white. I'm bald. I'm round. What else would my nickname be? Actually, until this was concocted I answered to "white guy" and, when that distinction was no longer precise, "the Moving Pick." (Usage: "I was hustling back on defense when Moving Pick over there took my pins out. Hence my liquid diet.")

Name: "Pointy"
Bestowed by: Dorkass

Archaic. When she reported to me, she popularized this reference to the pointy-haired boss in Dilbert.

One time she and I were playing a video game in which the best possible weapon to fire at the other was a skull-seeking missile that drilled into your opponent's head, sending blood and brains spewing everywhere. What was the weapon called?

Name: "The Cerebral Bore"
Bestowed by: Dorkass
"It's your new nickname!" she squealed with delight.

Name: "That Kid"
Bestowed by: Assorted Metamuville old farts
I can't believe I even think about moving.

Name: "Slowing Down Jeep Guy"
Bestowed by: Hot Jogger Chick
There is precisely one attractive woman in Metamuville. A lovely redhead, she jogs down Metamuville Road daily. A piggish bare-head, I usually slow down so that I might bask in her beauty a nanosecond longer. To my surprise, when I was at the nursery yesterday, the employee who came over to assist me was, in fact, her. "You're Hot Jogger Chick!" I exclaimed.

"You're Slowing Down Jeep Guy!" she replied.