I'm a little ashamed. It's not like me to take eleven years to notice that people are steaming sacks o' crap. But here we are.
When my Steelers lost Super Bowl XXX, I heard from everyone. E-v-e-r-y-o-n-e. Acquaintances and a ex-girlfriends came out of the woodwork to say they'd watched the game and thought of me, and I must be really miserable, huh?
Cut to:
When my Buckeyes won the championship in 2003, I heard from no one.
Cut to:
When the Steelers finally won in 2006, I heard from no one.
Cut to:
Present day. It's been almost a month, yet several times a week, some dimwit from some peripheral crevice of my life will go out of his way to remind me that the Buckeyes just got thumped.
"I don't even watch football," says the ninth-place trophy wife instead of taking my order. "And I was all, like, 'GOD, they SUCK!'"
"Ha, ha. Thanks."
Yesterday, it was the UPS guy. He spotted the Ohio State decal on my Jeep.
"Ohio State?!?" he said incredulously. "Ohio State?!?"
I nodded. "I'm an alum."
"Whoa!" He shook his head gravely, yet his tone bordered on delight. "They just got their asses kicked!"
I glared at him. Is this because I didn't tip at Christmas?
"Really? I hadn't heard. Say, where did you go to school?"
The answer was both mumbled and untypically complicated. He petered out and backed toward his truck.
I grabbed my box and went inside to seethe. Enjoy backing down my driveway, motherfucker.