shortly thereafter, my head exploded

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Resigned to the fact that her blistering disapproval will not move me to shave my beard, Allie tried a dirty new tactic.

"It's just...such...an AW thing."

"The beard wasn't her idea."

"Well, she liked it."

What do you do when an ex-girlfriend who's an active pain in the ass invokes an ex who's more passively hemorrhoidal? I am at a moral impasse.