Lance Armstrong's seventh straight win got me thinking about records that will never be broken, at least not in the lifetime of anyone reading this. (This post has been loitering for about two weeks, now, hoping that I would come up with more. I'm not.) Armstrong's seven wins, while unprecedented, aren't on the list. Other men have won five, so seven doesn't seem impossibly out of reach. With that as our metric, here's my list:
NBA, career assists, 15,806 (John Stockton) - 50% more than #2. Thanks to Stockton's natural gifts, his health (played in 1504 out of 1526 possible games), and a shameless homer stat-keeper in Salt Lake City, I think this one's out of reach.
MLB, home runs in a season, 73 (Barry Bonds) - Before the dirty steroids era, no one had apporached 61 in thirty years. Now that they test for steroids, this one's ridiculously out of reach. And, I might add, utter bullplop.
Television, longest running animated series (The Simpsons) - The Flinstones' old record was 166. The Simpsons will pass 400 next season, and they're still going, if not always going strong.
Sex, my personal record for times in one 24 hour period - It nearly killed me when I was in my 20s. It ain't happenin' again.
Film, biggest domestic box office, $1.3 billion adjusted (Gone with the Wind) - It's survived assaults by Star Wars, E.T., Titanic, and every other movie since 1939. With more people watching new movies at home instead of in the theatre, this one seems untouchable. Counting inflation, Titanic still rules $600 million to $461 million, and it seems that too will remain until inflation rises enough to knock it off.