tonight at 11, watch as a customer uses his arm sling to strangle a grocery store clerk

  • Posted on
  • by

Lately, checking out of any store goes exactly like this.

"Did you find everything you need, sir?"

"Sure. Let's say that."

"What's your phone number?"


"It's for our rewards program."

"Still no."

"Are you signed up for our rewards program?"

"No, and I don't want to."

"Do you want to sign up for our rewards program?"

At this point, I look at the poor people behind me in line, each silently praying that I don't make them run even later. 15 minutes ago, I was them.

"But if you signed up for our rewards program, you'd save $1.12 on today's purchase."


"I don't understand. Cheaper is always better."


"Okay," the clerk says, rolling her eyes at my stupidity. "Do you want to round up and contribute to orphaned monkey babies with cleft pallettes?"

"No, but you can round down and contribute yourselves." 

"I don't understand."

That's a fact.