In 2006, I gave 35% of my Microsoft bill rate to a guy named Lou. He did not find my job; I did. He did not talk to my manager. He had no relationship with either Microsoft or me, except one: Microsoft cut him a check for, say, $1000, and he sent me a check for $650. Lew was a money launderer. He earned his living, I theorized, while typing away on his laptop while sitting on his toilet.
Lou had to go.
Thus my company was born. It was technically a real company, an s-corp with accountants and lawyers and all that, but to me it was fake. It was bullshit smeared on paper, much like Lew's company. Even my company name was a joke, chosen so that when I called a Microsoft phone, an insult appeared on its display. I didn't give my fake company a lot of thought. Well, the phone thing took some thought.
Microsoft had more work, so I started recruiting friends. "Can I just work for your company?" they asked. Sure. Less for Lou.
In 2011, we reconstituted at another company. Thus began my insane period. I went three years without a single day unaffected by work. No weekend, no Christmas, went untouched. Eventually, my body started to break down. I couldn’t sleep. I had a cough for two years. My skin was covered in sores. At one point my resting blood pressure was 75 over my normal, 190 over something. Sure, we made lots of money, but when doctors start using phrases like "I don't want you going home tonight. Get back here. You're going to die if you don't," it gives one pause.
How did this happen? “But it’s a fake company!” I protested.
“It betrayed you,” either Katrina or Amy replied. I never could really tell them apart.
This is on my mind because I've been doing a lot of plate-spinning lately, attending to my no-longer-sleepy business. I feel stresses similar to those I did in 2011, when things were just starting to heat up. My life, three months ago about three-Manhattan lunches, is now all about planning for rapid expansion, choosing which tasks to neglect, and not letting 1000 random details slip through the cracks. Now like then, my brain is struggling to keep up with the power surge. It will catch up, I hope. In the meantime, I well remember what came a year after the last time I felt like this. Never again. Money isn't worth it.
Well, maybe just once more.