lie-down guy

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One Pittsburgh stereotype I would desperately like to be true is the "blue collar, hard-working stand-up guy." Apparently whoever invented that image did so sarcastically.

I assumed that people in Pittsburgh trade services in exchange for money. Boy, was I ever wrong. That is not how it works here. Which is fitting, since nothing apparently works here, except me. I have worked unbelievably hard to give people my money, racking up scores of unanswered texts and phone calls and, worse, quite a few no-shows.

My favorite was a plumber. On a Tuesday night, I scheduled them for the next morning. I agreed to be here from 8-11. Around noon, I reached for my phone to see if they were running late. That's when I saw my voice mail from 7:15. They'd called to confirm the appointment.

"We'll need to reschedule," the douche said in lieu of an apology. His tone was exactly appropriate if I'd stood them up instead of the other way around. I said as much. "We don't go anywhere without a confirmation call," he sneered.

"So 14 hours after I made the appointment, you called at 7 in the morning, didn't get me because my phone doesn't ring that early, and decided to cancel the appointment without telling me, thereby leaving me waiting for you in vain and wasting my entire morning, all in the name of not wasting your morning? Because your time is more important than mine? Do I understand your retarded train of thought correctly?"

He took exception to his thought being called "retarded."

Stank stands by its story.