We believe in the Patriots, the One Team Almighty, the takers of trophies.
We believe that the Patriots are the true Team of true Teams, above reproach in all things.
Toward that end, we also believe that illegally videotaping other teams' signals was of no competitive advantage whatsoever, which is why the Patriots took the risk of doing so at the cost of fines and their #1 draft pick. Obviously.
We believe that Tom Brady, our wide receivers, and our running backs are less capable than Ravens and Colts defensive players of noticing that a ball is illegally underinflated.
We believe that the equipment manager called himself "the Deflator" because he's a fattie trying to lose weight.
We believe Tom Brady when He says that He didn't know the equipment manager with whom He threw footballs during pregame warmups for over a decade.
We believe owner Robert Kraft when He says the Patriots did not deflate footballs, for if you cannot believe an established Cheater about cheating, whom can you believe? Seriously, we defy you to name a higher authority. Go on. We'll wait.
Because the Patriots didn't deflate footballs, we believe the Patriots immediately canned the equipment manager because...um...er...let's say it's because he's fat.
We believe that Patriots running backs who leave for other teams see their fumble rate go up 38% because those other teams are...um...er...illegally overinflating their footballs.
We believe that the noble martyr Robert Kraft isn't appealing His team's punishment because it's what's best for the league and because, as He Himself decreed in a written, prepared statement, "I have a way of looking at problems that are very strong in my mind."
We believe that anyone who doesn't share these beliefs is just jealous of our trophies, even the teams with more trophies than us.