My friend of 20 years and staffer for two, Katrina now irritates me by referring to me as "my boss" to her eight-year old, Annalie. Whenever Katrina has to work instead of finger-painting, blame falls squarely on "my boss." The child has taken to viewing me as a douchebag, which I'm quite certain is the point.
"Oh my god. I so regret buying her this Christmas CD two years ago. She just plays it over and over," Katrina told me last week in a lapse of judgement that can only be described as apocalyptically idiotic. "Jingle Bell Rock and I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus, again and again and again. I hate those songs!"
"Uh huh," I said, clicking the one-click purchase button. Yesterday, Annalie received Dr. Demento's Christmas Album. The songs:
1. The Chipmunk Song - Chipmunks
2. All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth - Spike Jones & His City Slickers
3. Jingle Bells - Singing Dogs
4. Twelve Gifts of Christmas, The - Allan Sherman
5. I Want A Hippopotamus For Christmas - Gayla Peevey
6. Nuttin' For Christmas - Stan Freberg
7. A Christmas Carol - Tom Lehrer
8. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - Elmo & Patsy
9. I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas - Yogi Yorgesson
10. Twelve Days of Christmas, The - Bob and Doug McKenzie
11. Green Christmas - Stan Freberg
12. I'm A Christmas Tree - Wild Man Fischer
13. I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus - Kip Addotta
14. Santa Claus And His Old Lady - Cheech & Chong
15. Christmas At Ground Zero - Weird Al Yankovic
16. Christmas Dragnet - Stan Freberg & Daws Butler
"You are pure evil," Katrina told me from her desk. Then I heard her child run up behind her. "THANK YOU! AND SHE'S NOT WORKING! SHE'S SURFING CLOTHES!"