doorstop

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I love my lesbian neighbors, Madam and Eve. I love them primarily for not being Percy, but also for inviting me to a lot of man-free parties. Sometimes they don't even need a bug or mouse killed.

Yes, the defenseless-female, "kill it! kill it!" schtick transcends sexual orientation. I don't know why this feels wrong, but it does. Perhaps I'm accustomed to killing things on demand as part of a larger campaign to get laid.

As for the parties, I enjoy the absence of men cooking all moisture and flavor out of hamburgers. I enjoy the absence of men, period. When a man shows up, I'm crushed. The only downside, really, has been my realization of just how many pretty ponytails pulled through baseball caps out there are attached to women to whom I’m as sexual as a doorstop. It's a lot.