Dear Discovery Channel:
As always, thank you for Shark Week. It's Poindexter's and my Christmas.
But we have a problem a-brewing that could make us shark atheists. That problem, in a word, is you. Each year, you ratchet up the vapidity a little more. A documentary about how the extinct Megaladon probably maybe really could still exist? Complete with ginned-up drama when a guy goes in the water with this 50 foot bullshit shark that would so easily be spotted from the air? Really?
But I'm not writing you about that. I'm writing you to complain about @Taylor6969. There's a reason I don't hear this uninteresting preliterate's imbecilic thoughts. That reason is that he's an uninteresting, preliterate imbecile. Why are you shoving his vapid tweets on to my screen? Why are you disturbing my hard-won @Taylor6969-free tranquility? Why?!
"I bet dat a dood in a shark costume," he tweets, apropos of nothing.
Click.