Thanks to recent trips to various doctors, I'm happy to report that nurses today are uniformly young and smoking hot. They are also, unfortunately, predisposed to saying the five words every fat guy most loathes to hear around beautiful women.
"Get on the scale, please."
Ow. Ow. That was humiliating. Before you write that number down, did you notice that I was wearing my shoes? And I had eighty-two cents in change in my pocket. And—
"Now take off your shirt."
I stand corrected. There are worse words.