I think I probably speak for most of the extended Stank family when I say of gay marriage, "Wait. Are we really still talking about that? Seriously? For the love of god, can everyone shut up already and do the patently obvious thing?"
I find it hard to believe that actual (as opposed to religious whackadoodle) conservatives are against extending marriage rights to gays. Conservatives are the ones who despise special rights. Why would they promote special rights for straight people?
This leads me to wonder: are there any non-Christian opponents of gay marriage out there?