Stank troll Matt sends in this guide for straight people going to gay bars. I'm alarmed by how many of these complaints I have already heard. I have seriously got to move to Pittsburgh sooner rather than later.
This part reminded me of poor, departed Stan. I miss that flake.
You can stop clutching your girlfriend like she's some sort of heterosexual life preserver to keep you from drowning in a sea of receptive anal intercourse. You don't need to hold her hand and make out with her and go out of your way to announce your orientation. We already know you're straight. Those shoes you wore on your way in told us, you don't need to keep repeating yourself. It's a bit insulting. And keep the PDA light. If we wanted to watch straight people make out, we'd go just about anywhere else in the whole damn universe.