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March 14, 2012

it was the best of times, it was the worst of times

On Friday, a childhood dream will be fulfilled. A bucket list will get one notch shorter. An artery will clog.

On Friday, I will sign for overnight deliveries from Chicago and New York. And then I will eat New York and Chicago pizzas side by side. Why? Because I thought of it.

If part of you doesn't want to be me on Friday, there's something broken within you. Get professional help.

• • •

During some elementary school attempt to get us to like intrinsically unlikable foods, my second grade teacher, Mrs. Poaches, showed us flash cards with nutritional information on them. I remember that liver was chock full of nutrients, and that nothing I enjoyed eating had a vitamin even accidentally. "SHOW US PIZZA!" we squealed in unison. And then we all affirmed our mutual love of pizza. Why, we could eat pizza every single day.

"I know you think you could," winced Mrs. Poaches. "But believe me, someday that won't sound so good."

I'm still waiting for someday.

• • •

Fun Fact I've had three ex-girlfriends say this exact sentence: "I haven't ordered a pizza since we broke up."

posted by john at 7:26 AM  â€¢  permalink