I need a "shallowness" category.
When I was 27, I met a friend's 18 year old cousin, who immediately seared into my mind as the Single Most Attractive Woman I Ever Met. But there are nine year age differences, and then there are nine year age differences. So I did nothing but secretly marvel at her sparkliness, grace, kindness, brown ponytail, and softball trophies.
"Nine years?" I thought last night. "That's nothing now! Finally, oldfartedness has a virtue beyond car insurance!" Knowing she would be married, I nonetheless commenced cyber-stalking.
When you have this impulse, do me a favor. Do yourself a favor. Resist. Let him or her remain unsullied by reality in your memory. My dreamgirl now looks approximately like AJ Hawk.
And she named her kid "Heeb." Heeb, people.