Any time I take a personality test—invariably against my will, at work, at the insistence of some preliterate who just attended the latest trendy workshop for managerial twinkies—the tester tells me I'm an introvert.
And then we'll argue about whether I am shy. This diagnosis delights me. I am, of course, nothing of the kind. No, I am contemptuous of people and seek to avoid them. There's a difference. If provoked, I'll extrovert your ass good and proper.
Yep. It's a verb now.
Last night's shopping trip was like any other excursion into Seattle. I tried not to bother people, and they moved mountains to bother me. In any other town in America, if two people's paths intersect and one says "Excuse me," the other will smile and reciprocate. Not so here. The second person looks past you, as if they didn't hear you, as they silently lean out of your way. God forbid they acknowledge a nicety. That would be acknowledging the existence of another human being, and who knows where that might lead.
On the fifth occurrence in 10 minutes' time, I didn't disengage. A woman had parked her cart next to a stand, then examined an adjacent item, thereby blocking the entire aisle. She ignored me as I waited, so I said "Excuse me" and smiled. Nothing. No eye contact, no grunt.
"Help me understand something," I said as I slipped by. "Why do you people pretend that others don't exist?"
Startled, she whirled away from me. "Whaaa? You people?"
"Seattle people."
"This is Lynnwood," she corrected me.
"Not a whole lot of difference, there."
"I got OUT of your WAY. What MORE do you WANT?"
"Not being in the way? Or failing that, the courtesy of an excuse me for your having made me ask you to move?"
"Excuse me," she spat at the asshole who'd dared to hold up a mirror to her face.
Our eyes locked. I knew I was one more sentence away from a restraining order. I sighed and moved on, listening to her curse me under her breath as we went our separate ways.
I gotta get out of this town before I'm permanently damaged.
From the other side of the globe, Stank troll Peter sends this Seattle anecdote.
