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October 5, 2011
i don't care how bad your day was. i really, truly don't.
My yesterday starred two of the worst companies ever in the invention of man: Home Depot and U-Haul. When I embarked on my folly, an anecdote seemed inevitable. You tell me.
Home Depot advertises free returns on washing machines but threatened me with a 15% restocking fee, but this isn't about that.
The transmission in the U-Haul literally flew apart on me, but this isn't about that. Nor is it about how you never discover that windshield wipers don't work when you don't need urgently 'em.
I was wearing my work uniform, which turns out is also an ideal moving-a-washing-machine uniform: t-shirt and gym shorts. It started to rain on my way to Home Depot, and by the time I extended its long, corrugated metal ramp, the rain was coming down at a good clip.
"Huh," I thought. "I rather wish the ramp weren't wet while I unload the washer. Eh, what's the worst that could happen? The ramp is corrugated!"
I felt my feet start to slip at the halfway point, and I was faced with a split-second decision: drop the $1000 behemoth pulling me slowly into ignominy and injury, or what I actually decided.
And so, now holding only the top of the appliance dolly, I fell. Physics being the relentless bitch that she is, I continued down the ramp, the corrugated ramp, on my ass, my flimsy gym shorts riding up my ass as though wedged there by 500 pounds of force.
I'll say one thing for my superatomic wedgie for the ages: my backside is nicely exfoliated this morning.
posted by john at 9:37 AM • permalink