« my dog is grosser than your dog, my dog is grosser than yours | Main | punching your weight »
May 13, 2011
stupidest arguments: the crandshake
Continuing the "stupidest arguments ever with a girlfriend" theme
The AW and I were at Mardi Gras, and she was grubbing for beads. No, she didn't expose anything. She talks a good game, but in the end, she's a milquetoast little girl scout. Her shirt would stay properly tucked that week, which was just fine by her boyfriend. Anyway, some guy was throwing beads off a balcony, and the AW was one of the teeming masses underneath, hands outstretched. The beads fell into her hand....as well as the hand of a 20 year old gang banger.
The young man had an odor about him—specifically, it was the odor of drugs, guns and prison. His eyes flashed angrily—enraged, even—that this woman had dared to catch the beads simultaneously. His 10 thug friends all converged on her, chests out, in a great show of intimidation. Was the conspicuous display of baddassery a show? No doubt. Would they be perfectly happy to make it real, what with their 11:1 odds? Of this I also had no doubt. They were spoiling for a fight.
"FUCK OFF, CUNT!" the man snarled at the AW, violently jerking the beads, which she still held. I swear he was trying to foam at the mouth.
Evoking her best Jessica Rabbit, the AW shook her head and retorted suggestively, "What are you gonna do for them?"
Intrigued, the man smiled lasciviously and grabbed the AW's crotch for a good five-count. He paused long enough mid-grope to look at me and smirk.
She finally managed to whirl away, to the mocking laughter of the gang, and I turned to head back to the hotel. We were both steaming. Accusations of stupidity and neglect would fly that night. Specifically:
- I was mad that for "fun," she had slathered herself head to toe in goat's blood, jumped into shark-infested waters, and flopped around like an injured seal pup.
- She was mad that I hadn't followed her into the water and fought off the sharks bare-handed.
posted by john at 8:18 AM • permalink