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April 22, 2011

stupidest arguments: the mix cd

Over the next week, I'm going to recount the absolute stupidest arguments I've ever had with girlfriends. Today's looks long, but it's a breezy read. Trust me.

•   •   •

The day Mason died, my still-just-a-friend Olive showed up at my door to comfort me. She spent the evening listening to my survivor's guilt and generally being swell. She also gave me a mix CD.

Notably, this was a scant few days before she hopped into my bed and invited me to follow her. In that context, the mix CD became a point of contention that would last through our entire relationship.

Her: there was no subtext in my musical choices

Me: right

Her: get over yourself

I leave it to you, gentle reader. You tell me.

"Shoreline"
And you're walking away
But where to go to?
And you're walking alone,
But how to get through?
It's coming
It's coming in hard
It's coming
It's coming in hard
It's coming
It's coming in hard
It's coming
It's coming in hard
it's coming
It's coming in hard
It's coming
It's coming in hard
It's coming
It's coming in hard
It's coming
It's coming in-

"Staring at the Sun"
your mouth is open wide
the lover is inside
and all the tumults done
collided with the sign
you're staring at the sun
you're standing in the sea
your body's over me

"On Call"
If you call me now baby, I'd come running
I'm on call to be there, one and all to be there
I'll be there waiting to be there, to be there
I'm on call to be there, one and all to be there
When I fall to pieces, no I don't know
I'll be there waiting

I'd come a-running
I'd come a-running
I'd come a-running

To be there, to be there
I'm on call to be there
I'm on call to be there
I'm on call to be there
I'm on call to be there

"Such Great Heights"
I am thinking it's a sign
That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and when we kiss
They're perfectly aligned

And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us
Into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay

And true it may seem like a stretch
But it's thoughts like this that catch
My troubled head when you're away
When I am missing you to death

When you are out there on the road
For several weeks of shows
And when you scan the radio
I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great heights
Come down now, they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
Come down now but we'll stay

"The Greatest"
Lower me down
Pin me in

"I'll Be Your Lover, Too"
And you'll look at me
With eyes that see
And melt into each others arms
And so I come
To be the one
Who's always standing next to you

Reach out for me
So I can be
The one who's always reaching out for you
Yes I will, Yes I will
You'll be my queen
I'll be your king
And I'll be your lover too.


"Corrina"
I Learned To Love You
Baby for I called
Honey for I Called Your Name
I Wouldn't Trade Your Love For Money
Honey You Are My Warm Heart, Baby You Are
My Warm Heart's Flame

"Dare"
It's coming up
It's coming up
It's coming up
It's coming up
It's coming up
It's coming up
It's coming up
It's dare

You've got to press it on you
You just think it
That's what you do, baby
Hold it down, DARE

"Lady Don't Tekno"
She got a natural way, her hips sway furious, yet luxurious
Carries herself like the cutest most purdiest
Thing you've seen, this side of the bay
Go about her business so purposefully
She got razor sharp wit and she just won't quit
Flauntin it, body built like a house made outta bricks
She got the smile, the style and finesse
And bounded with the blessed and profound intellect
Select few have ever seen her butt naked


"Can You Get to That"
Yeah, get to that!
Can you get (I wanna know)
I want to know if you can get to that (hey!) (get to that!)
Can you get (can you get to that)(I wanna know)
I want to know if you can get to that (x3)

"Contact"
I want some contact contact
I want some contact contact
I want some contact contact
Contact contact
Only because my life depends on it

"Superheroes"
There is a white breast
Waiting for you here
Between the superheroes
And the electric blanket is warm

I could be sweet
I could be young, and fresh
If I weren't so old and used
and wet and wet, I am wet

I try not to ruin the moment
Tell me all your secrets and your torments
You're delicious, you're delicious
Send me on a quest for lullabies and more

What would it take for you to see
What I have got?
I've got more than you know

Oh, but she wasn't done. Here was her grand finale, the utterly charming "Whisper Song." For your maximum appreciation, I have included both a link and the complete lyrics:

Hey how you doin lil mama? lemme whisper in your ear
Tell you sumthing that you might like to hear
You got a sexy ass body and your ass look soft
Mind if I touch it? and see if its soft
Naw I'm jus playin' unless you say I can
And im known to be a real nasty man
And they say a closed mouth don't get fed
So I don't mind asking for head
You heard what I said, we need to make our way to the bed
And you can start usin' yo head
You like to fuck, have yo legs open all in da butt
Do it up slappin ass cuz the sex gets rough
Switch the positions and ready to get down to business
So you can see what you've been missin'
You might had some but you never had none like this
Just wait til you see my dick

(Chorus) Hey bitch! wait til you see my dick
Wait til you see my dick
Hey bitch! wait til you see my dick
Imma beat dat pussy up
Hey bitch! wait til you see my dick
Wait you see my dick
Hey bitch! wait til you see my dick
Imma beat dat pussy up
Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy up, Beat da pussy
Up, Beat da pussy up

You fine, but I aint gone sweat ya
See I wanna fuck, tell me whats up
Walk around the club with yo thumb in ya mouth
Put my dick in, take your thumb out
There might be a lil kosher to deal with
Wet fat hoe's they dont spill shit
I keep a hoe hot when I'm puttin' in work
Wanna skeet skeet you bout to get your feelin's hurt
Cuz I'll beat dat cat with a dog
And knock da walls of a broad til she scrawl
Like (OOOOOH!)
Yea something like that, but it depends on the swing of the baseball bat
Fuck a bitch on da counter make the
Plates fall Back
On the floor she aint screamin she a nut so they crack
Crack...crack
Fuck that bend over imma give you a smack

(Chorus again. Just in case the point was too subtle.)

The prosecution rests.

posted by john at 7:39 AM  â€¢  permalink