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April 4, 2011

morons, part 2

Continued from here

Class 2 Moron
(Ax infinitus)

ax.pngNo conversation is too irrelevant for this species to inject its agenda into. Just try to stop him. Everyone and everything affirms his agenda. Question him? This affirms his agenda. Disagree with him? Affirms his agenda. Prove beyond all doubt that he's wrong? That really affirms his agenda.

Example argument: At a buffet, we tired of waiting for the server to refill our drinks and decided to do it ourselves. Self-satisfied, one Ax infinitus semi-hominid pronounced "Now see, there's the difference between conservatives and librils* right there. A libril will just sit around and wait to be helped." This man now enters his fifth year of unemployment, working only occasionally, under the table, so that he may collect federal benefits. I'm sure he's protesting Obama's Kenyan Nazi socialist something or other.

*For authenticity, I preserved the Ax infinitus dialect.

Earther: [When struggling to push a car] "Yeah, the Earth is REALLY round, isn't it? What a crock THAT is."

Class 3 Moron
(Jacknicholsus truthhandlus)

truth.pngWhen overwhelmed by the forces of superior intellect, which is often, this guy abandons all pretext of marshaling evidence in support of an argument. He instead attacks the emotional integrity of intellect itself. This requires no evidence but a fair amount of mind-reading.

Example: You there. Yeah, you. You with all the evidence and the elitist books and fancy-pants college degrees and more than five minutes' thought about this topic. You know what your problem is? You can't handle the truth. I'm just being honest, here.

Earther: [when shown photos of the Earth from space] "This is just more of the same tired old rhetoric. I'm glad I'm not afraid of the truth."

posted by john at 8:14 AM  â€¢  permalink