g.i. joe

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I just told this story to an incredulous audience, so I might as well share here, too.

When I was about 7, I asked for a G.I. Joe for Christmas. I did not receive one. My parents were locked in a heated debate about why I shouldn't. My mom argued that a soldier toy would make me violent, militaristic. Dad, meanwhile, argued that a doll would make me gay. One would think they could have settled comfortably in the common ground of my not receiving the toy and thereby not experiencing fleeting happiness, but no. They had to argue about whose reason had trumped whose. About whose reason was dumber.

In retrospect, I wish I'd become a gay Green Beret. That would have taught 'em.

Yep, these were my parents.