Once a decade, I like to survey how my flake mom's historical predictions turned out.
Mom shrilly insisted that the following caused cancer:
- Pepper—Thanks for the heads up, Mom. But too much salt? It's apparently good for me?
- Off! insect spray—Well, I can't imagine that overuse is good for you, but it's 30 years later and there's still zero evidence of a link to cancer. And that's the most plausible of her cancer causes.
- Microwaves—She insisted that microwave ovens are proven to cause cancer "even when they're turned off."
Huh. I'll be damned. I can't think of any way to mock her that's funnier than quoting her. - Toaster ovens—This was when I first suspected Mom might not have been all that bright. Her evidence? They look kinda like microwaves.
- Color TVs—Not only do they cause testicular cancer, they sterilize you. I wonder what Mom would have been able to do had she lived to see plasma TVs. Or smartphones or, god help us, laser pointers.