impersonal imsafety

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'Tis a right of passage for the women in my life. You can't be around long before I start worrying about your physical safety. Unless you're Dorkass. I mean, please. She could put a 'roid-raging Silverback gorilla in a half-nelson and make it call her "Daddy."

Long before my gave my ex-girlfriend Sarah a laser-sighted Tazer, I gave my girlfriend-girlfriend Sarah a canister of mace. In between these acquisitions, when I was gone entirely, she actually needed the mace. I do believe that's a first: for all the canisters of mace I've purchased, this is the first one that was actually needed (notice I didn't say "first one that was actually fired.") During the incident, she pulled it out, he kept coming, and she held it to his face and pressed the trigger.

ffpt

Nothing. Jammed.

Would I find this funny if harm had come to her? Of course not. Do I otherwise find it hilarious that this happened to the woman who ripped my heart out by its roots, tossed it in the Cuisinart, and hit Puree? Yeah, kinda! Turns out I am not that big a man. To her credit, she thinks it's funny, too. Kinda.

And thus did I buy the Tazer. Which she quickly augmented with a gun. Can't say I blame her.