You know how you feel when your friend comes out of the bathroom into a crowded bar teeming with hotties and your friend is trailing 20 feet of toilet paper out of their pants? That was the exact feeling I had watching the opening ceremonies in Vancouver Friday night. No matter how perfectly charming your friend had been prior to the toilet paper, all anyone in the room would remember was the toilet paper.
Oh, Canada. Here comes some teasing from your favorite sib.
If you're going to incorporate giant crystal wangs into your opening ceremonies, was it really necessary to hammer the point home by having them slowly rise into the air? They already had heads and clefts, for chrissakes. Give your audience some credit. Sometimes less is more.
That imagery only made your torch snafu worse. When later you couldn't get it up, how could we not make erectile dysfunction jokes? Don't worry. Once in a while, it happens to every country.
The torch moment did lead to my absolute favorite photo from these or any Olympic games. Here's flame-bearer Wayne Gretzky's face at about Minute IV of billions of people watching him stand there helplessly, watching the torch not rise.
When did he start looking like Richard Nixon?
Attention Canadian readers: I'm afraid I require yet another apology for Bryan Adams. Any Canadian will do.