melissa

  • Posted on
  • by

I was surfing the Internet when Dex alerted me that the buyer had arrived. Her name was Melissa, and she'd responded to my craigslist ad for my old generator. It turns out Melissa is very cute indeed. And she's a vet. With a brown ponytail.

I was mentally telling our wedding guests the oh-so-charming manner in which we'd met—

"We heard you met in the Personals section on craigslist. Is that true?"

"No. It was Appliances."

—when she asked me a technical question to which I didn't know the answer. I impressively fumbled around in my mind for a while, then suggested we look online for the answer. Melissa followed me inside.

"Beautiful house!"

Score.

She followed me to my laptop.

I jiggled the mouse.

The screen saver disappeared.

A woman's genitals appeared, literally larger than life, or rather a popup ad featuring them did. What the hell? I was just reading someone's blog!

I hurriedly stabbed at the window with my mouse. I suddenly could not conjure the dexterity to get the little arrow over the little close box. In my panic, I maximized the window. Yeah, that helps. That's more or less when Melissa looked at my screen and physically leapt back.

Summary: don't buy us any place-settings anytime soon.