Astonishingly, Stank trolls largely saw the "What do you do for a living?" survey as a means for mocking. That's so unlike you people, really. I've attempted to classify the responses.
Anti-Microsoft (I think)
"I work at a sewage treatment plant, 'cause all I do is process their crap."
"I shovel bullshit."
"I am a truth launderer"
"I translate dork into human."
Anti-John
"I overbill professionally."
"I am a grammatical mercenary on a long term contract with a large corporate client that prefers anonymity when it comes to our business arrangements." (I think that covers technical writer for hire, for an evil organization that probably dislikes claiming you as an employee almost as much as you dislike claiming them as an employer!)
"I am an ethically challenged Microsoft-mooch." (Allie)
The obscure and even more boring than the truth
"I am a Forensic Epistemologist."
"I am a Didactical Pathologist."
The outright lie
"I don't write software documentation, that's for sure."
"I write software documentation...for space."
The fuck you
"I'm a technical writer. Got a problem with that, bitch?"
"I own my own company doing technical writing for MS. *haha* Yeah, it sounds boring, but it allows me to work from my hot tub and watch whales, so THAT'S okay." (Mister, you don't generally go to meetings. I would do technical writing for the Southern Baptist Convention if it meant I didn't have to go to meetings. Fuck'em and feed'em fish heads if they don't recognize the sheer brilliance of your arrangement.)
The winner
"It's classified."