Mike and I went to Vancouver this weekend. Longtime readers may recall that Mike once gave me a most precious gift indeed. In a spasm of bad judgment, he once (presumably on behalf of the entire gay community) pronounced my use of the word "cocksucker" to be inoffensive. I was incredulous. "Knock yourself out," he shrugged.
I felt exactly like Florida State University must have felt when they found some obscure, senile Seminole chief to endorse their use of "Seminoles" as a mascot. It's too late now, Seminoles and cocksuckers alike, too late now. Floridians and I are taking our dubious permissions and running. The cows have permanently fled the barn.
A gay guy and a straight guy walked into a bar in Vancouver...
Several bars, in fact. Mike suggested we go to a bear bar, where, he promised, "you'd be Marilyn Monroe." I declined.
It's amazing how a weekend with a gay buddy makes us both hyper-attuned to all things gay. I'd already chosen the headline for this post when Dick's Supplies passed to the left of Mike's car. I debated whether that, the White Spot Cafe, some place called Booster Juice, or Christina Aguilera being on the radio was gayer. Then we stopped and saw Darcy, who lamented that, thanks to her recent move, I was no longer "just a ferry ride away."
I shot Mike a look. "Well, no, I did drive," he corrected.
We decided that Darcy's line would certainly remain the gayest of the weekend, and so it did, right up until we were strolling the streets of Vancouver and I un-self-consciously remarked that I wanted to munch on some hot vendor nuts.
There were countless such moments.
We eventually went to the weekend's main event, a Q&A session with writer/director Kevin Smith. Very early into the 3-hour program, a guy told the whole audience that he'd composed a bucket list of 80-odd things he wanted to do with his life before he died, and he wondered if Smith could help with number 82: getting naked in front of thousands of people. Smith obliged, and thus came the cherry on top of my big, fat gay weekend.
I would like to apologize for my phone's detail-obscuring shutter speed. I would like to, but I just can't.
