by fire or by ice?

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There are two reasons to stay friends with your ex:

  • you enjoy angrily arguing about earth-shattering things like whether you said "affect" or "effect" in 1994.
  • you enjoy antagonizing them.
I am in the latter camp. A recent text exchange:
ME: "I'm in the new restaurant. Cute waitress with brown ponytail just introduced herself, told me her life story, asked for mine. Looks 25 if she's a day. Ring on finger. Full speed ahead!"

ALLIE: "Kill me now."