new diet craze!

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My fingers tremble with excitement as I share with you my newly found secret to weight loss.

  1. Buy bottled coyote urine. In my case, it wasn't just a fetish thing. I also used it to scare raccoons away. Whatever its use, this putrid black toxin is the rankest substance you can conjure.
  2. Accidentally slop some of it on your hands. Just a dab will do.
  3. Simply try to eat. If you can gag down any food (or get the stench off your hands within the half-life of 16 pounds of depleted uranium), you're more man than me.