The day that one of the women in my life is actually attracted to what she says she's attracted to, bolts of pain will shoot up and down my left arm and I'll drop to the floor—one leg twitching in the air to an unheard syncopated beat.
Because this is not remotely what I have observed. No, what have observed is actually a gigantic disconnect, a chasm between what they say and who they date. There does seem to be a pattern, however, and over the years I've formulated a complex translation matrix. It's admittedly a work in progress.
| What she says she's attracted to | Who she chooses |
| Sense of humor | Cute guy who treats her disrespectfully |
| Self-possession | Cute guy who treats her disrespectfully |
| Confidence | Cute guy who treats her really disrespectfully |
| Brainiac | Cute guy who treats her disrespectfully |
| Social conscience | Cute guy who treats her disrespectfully |
| Good conversationalist | Cute guy who treats her disrespectfully |
| Creativity | Cute guy who treats her disrespectfully |
| Height | Tall guy who treats her disrespectfully |
| Athleticism | Cute guy who treats her disrespectfully |
| Respectfulness | Cute guy who treats her disrespectfully |
It's not often I give the advantage to my own gender, but at least there's no disconnect between saying "hot skank" and choosing "hot skank." Refreshing in its lack of pretense, if not in its depth.