these here are woman tracks

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It occurred to me Saturday, when I was walking around my house in a t-shirt and shorts and I was still sweating like a New York waiter: a woman must be coming over. There's no other reason the thermostat in my house would be cranked so ludicrously high. And so she came and went, and the first thing I did upon her departure was throw all the windows open. I'm shocked that when cold air invaded hot, no thunderstorm developed inside my house.

Clue number two: during the visit, the roll of toilet paper somehow made it on to the spindle.